i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
