Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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