I cockslap morals
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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