Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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