Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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