We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
