I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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