what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
