He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
