She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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