pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
