Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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