She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
