i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
