is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
