Fuck appropriateness.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
