There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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