oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
