I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize