Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I love you. Go after that dick
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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