In the future we'll all be gay
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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