I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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