Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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