it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
