Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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