my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
