So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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