maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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