She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
