He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
