all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize