Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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