you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
