that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
