Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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