just tell him i said nine months
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
