ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is my gift to your gina
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
