Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
