If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
