had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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