Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
