96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
