if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
