you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
