So drunk its hurt
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize