She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
