OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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