we have officially lost it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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