My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
