Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
