So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
