for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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