I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
