Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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