You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
