she was so not down for the gang bang
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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