You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
