he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
