is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
