Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
