Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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