did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
