my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
