i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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