My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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