Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize