3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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