Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
soo... how was my night?
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