Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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