i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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