You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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