he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
