remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
